Imagine the last time that you avoided speaking up at a meeting, or you failed to follow up with a co-worker who had dropped the ball. What was the story you told yourself as to why you didn’t speak up? What did your silence cost you?
Silence is expensive
Silence is more likely than an argument to signal that a relationship might be in trouble. Silence, a lack of communication, and indifference are all signs that a relationship is on the decline.
When employees refuse to share information, opinions, or concerns about issues or problems within their organization, they are referred to as exhibiting organisational silence. Silence is not only common in many companies, but it has become institutionalized. Silence can have corrosive effects, leading to disconnection and a loss of trust.
Differences are the fuel that drives highly effective teams. High-performing teams are able to use divergent perspectives and come to an agreement without damaging their relationships.
To maintain harmony and avoid confrontation with difficult characters, teams often engage in collusion.
What is a difficult conversation?
They bring out the unspoken, speak the truth, and get to the core of the issue. These conversations can be uncomfortable, particularly when they are not often held, but also help to build trust and connection. They also move us towards shared goals.
Here are some examples of conversations that we might choose to avoid.
- Informing your manager of unrealistic project deadlines that put the team in danger of burnout.
- Give feedback to someone who dominates meetings, and ignores other people’s contributions.
- You can ask a colleague from another department why their team failed to deliver on an agreement that is being blamed now against your team.
- Informing a senior manager that the new strategic direction they have adopted is causing confusion and misalignment on an operational level.
- Let a direct subordinate know that frequent changes at the last minute are causing unnecessary rework, and that they undermine trust in your team.
Why do we avoid difficult conversations at work
Google Trends shows that interest in the phrase ‘psychological security’ has steadily increased since 2016. This has not translated to colleagues feeling comfortable enough to speak out. Due to cultural and natural tendencies, we tend to avoid difficult conversations.
Human instincts include:
- Conflicts make us uncomfortable. Many colleagues are conflict averse. They fear that disagreements will harm relationships or reputations. This aversion causes people to “brush differences aside”, preventing meaningful discussion and alignment.
- We want to be part of the group. Most teams engage in collusion that is not spoken. This is done to maintain harmony and avoid confrontation with difficult people or the “elephant” in the room.
The following are cultural norms:
- A lack of open dialogue. People may be afraid to express their opinions, especially when there is a judgmental atmosphere. They might also believe that it won’t matter if they speak up.
- Undeveloped Feedback Skills It is very common to feel uncomfortable when giving or receiving feedback. Feedback is given only as part of a performance and development cycle.
- Absence of ground rules for collaboration: Ambiguity regarding roles, expectations or “what good collaboration looks” is often not addressed. The teams may not know how to make decisions, leading to confusion or avoidance.
When we label conversations as difficult, it encourages us spend more energy to avoid them.
We must invest in larger conversations if we want to ignite change
When we have so many tasks to complete, it’s easy for us to avoid having difficult conversations. Ironically, if we believe that avoiding difficult conversations saves us time and reduces risk, it is the opposite. Silence in the workplace leads to poorer decisions and less innovation. Poor communication can lead to lower growth, and more work.
We must invest in larger conversations.
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Make difficult conversations into turning points of change
A catalyst in biochemistry is a substance which increases the rate at which a change occurs. It speeds up the process, turning what would otherwise be slow and stuck into something dynamic.
Catalytic Conversations are the same. Catalytic Conversations are those that spark shared thinking, create insight and generate momentum. They help build trust and deepen connections, as well as helping people achieve shared goals, whether it is through resolving conflict, navigating changes, or just understanding each other.
By labeling conversations as difficult, we are more likely to avoid them. By redefining them as catalytic, and by knowing how to handle these conversations, we can emphasize the energy that they can generate.
How do you deal with them? What can you do to feel more prepared?
HRZone and Flow created the Conversations Catalyst Toolkit to close this gap. The goal of the toolkit is to facilitate conversations that will bring you closer with a colleague, and accelerate positive change in your workplace. This toolkit will help you have six types of Catalytic conversations.
Conversations that can change the world
What would you gain, both for yourself and your team? You could start a larger conversation with your colleague to help you achieve success together.
What will you lose if you continue to avoid it – in terms of clarity, trust, and time?
Download the Catalytic Conversations toolkit and use it to help you move forward on something that is important to your life.
Collaboration is key in today’s hybrid workplace. We unlock the potential for collaboration in your workplace culture. Want to know how? Let’s have a discussion.