Listening can be a real challenge.
As long as you have good ears, hearing is simple. But, listening? That’s hard.
Couples counselor KariRusnak, LPC CMHC BC-TMH, wrote in Psychology Today
We listen to respond and take notes from the speaker. Then we develop our response. When we listen to respond, we don’t focus on the speaker. We may be distracted and miss what the speaker is saying. When they stop talking, we tend to respond immediately. It doesn’t demonstrate to the speaker that they were heard or that we even understood what was said. This can make the speaker feel unheard, unimportant and frustrate them.
You can’t pretend that work relationships are the equivalent of marital relationships. Please, don’t! The problem of listening is not limited to couples.
Rayda allows companies to purchase, manage, store, and retrieve/recycle IT Equipment from remote teams in 170+ countries. Find out more about them.
You tens up immediately when you see the HR manager in your boss’ office. You know you are going to be in big trouble. You start building up your defense. As your boss talks, you will likely start building your counterarguments rather than listening to what the problem really is.
You may miss important information and not be able to address the issue. You’ll need to follow your boss’s orders as long as it’s not illegal, immoral or against company policy. If your boss insists on having the RFP in Comic Sans then Comic Sans is what you’ll get!
What does this have to with improv comedy?
Because we know what they are going to say, we can hold a coherent conversation with them. The majority of meetings do not involve unexpected information. Sometimes there is and we miss it when we plan our response.
You have to be able to listen carefully in improv because anything can happen. You may be asked to perform in a bank scene. Before you begin, you might think that you will play the policeman who stops the robbery. But, before you open your mouth, the other actor says “You can have all the money as long as you don’t hurt my partner!”
You are now the robber and must throw away all previous thoughts. Do something completely new. It will be a disaster scene if you tell the woman, “No ma’am, this is the policeman here to stop the burglary.” This is a disaster if you say, “No, ma’am. I am the police officer here to stop the robbery.”
We work on improving our listening skills. Headlines is one of my favourite listening games.
How to Play Headlines
Person 1 provides a headline. Person 2 then gives a headline. However, their headline must begin with the last words of person 1’s headline. Then continue on.
The study shows that HR professionals are more beautiful than salespeople
Person 2: Salespeople are the backbone of any organization
Person 3: Organisation is key to Olympic Success
Person 4: You can achieve success with just three simple steps!
You cannot begin thinking about your next words until the person you are speaking to has finished talking. Listening is a must.
You will soon develop the habit of always waiting for the end.
Why should you be doing this at work Your coworkers are worth your respect, and they deserve to be listened to. You might even learn something. Try learning first, rather than letting your brain immediately go into response mode.
You can pause the conversation to think about what you want to say. You can ask for clarification before responding.
What is the payoff? Isn’t it just going to take longer? They’re going to say something!
You think you do? You believe you do! You want new ideas, you say! You say you want to have new ideas!
You will have many opportunities to learn more if you wait. There are so many chances to create new ideas. You can stop being defensive. This is a wonderful thing.
Play Headlines in your next meeting with staff and ask them to wait before they think. It’s a great way to learn!
This is the secret method to mastering this skill
You can play headlines, but there are other ways to help you. In a normal conversation you can use the same trick, but start your sentences with the letter from the previous word. The same thing happens and it is not always obvious.
You can also use this secret tip to make people think that you are really clever: if you repeat the idea of the previous speaker, without repeating the word or letter used, then they will start to believe you. You can use an example.
Person 1: The second quarter has been very difficult for us. We should seriously consider reworking our marketing plans for the third quarter to make sure we meet our goals by year’s end.
Person 2: The year-end goals are very important. Take a look at current marketing.
NOT
Person 1: The second quarter has been very difficult for us. We should seriously consider redesigning our marketing plan for Q3 in order to make sure we meet our goals by year’s end.
Person 2: You’re suggesting that we revamp our marketing plan to make sure we meet our goals for the year.
This is incredibly annoying and condescending. Don’t do it.
Listen before you speak, now!
